Auntie Dote is HBI's answer to the usual, treacly, self-help advice columnists.

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YOU ASKED FOR IT.

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Ask Auntie Dote
The Auntie Dote for what ails you...


Dec 17, 2006

Dear Auntie Dote,

im a mother to be and i love this man but

 

You're stuck. There is nothing we can do. You can't revise history. He IS the progenitor of your offspring. Tough.

And remember, when things get really shitty: You Chose Him.

 

he really won't step up and be a father (he's the father of my the baby im pregnant with now)

 

Oh dear God. Are there more? Babies? Daddies? I suspect both. I think your problems started in elementary school. You should have been paying more attention in class, and I don't think we'd be having this discussion.

 

i lived with him and moved out then i lived with him again and had to leave
it repeted like this about four times

 

Your tale of woe leaves me cold.

 

and then i finally moved in my older sister (who is the bomb 'cuz

 

I haven't seen "'cuz" written like that since the 8th grade. And by the way, it's "da bomb."

 

she knows the guy i was with before this guy was a perfect gentleman to me and my family,

 

Do you have *any* occupation besides getting knocked up?

 

he wanted to have something to do with my family and myself i was inlove with this guy and still to this day am) my sister and her boyfriend are having to help me with the baby

 

You should be supporting yourself, shouldn't you? How can you afford to be doing what you are doing, and taking zero responsibility? Dig a hole for yourself, fine, but you are dragging other lives into this.

 

and thomas the guy im with now hasn't done anything to show me

 

Who the hell owes you anything? It sounds to me like you are the one who is deeply in debt to others.

 

he wants anything to do with me or the baby but i still love him im retarded

 

YES, you are.

 

for doing this but he's made me think he would be responsible

 

Honey, he can't make you do anything.

 

(he's only seventeen im nineteen)

 

He's a minor. You know technically you might be guilty of a statutory crime? The world sees you as an adult, start acting like one.

 

it was good at first but now he's total jackass please understand he has done nothing but put me down since i first moved in with him and his mother,

 

THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?

 

she drinks whiskey all day with water and pops **!#* and talks nothing but crap behind my back and thomas doesn't stand up for me then he tells me he loves me how retarded.

 

It sounds like you are too lazy to make your own way in the world. There's no other explanation for you choosing to become dependent on people with negative behavior who don't appreciate you.

 

i wish my baby would have a good father figure

 

How about a good mother figure? Worry about that. At least that is something you can control. Sit down, and write down what you WANT for your baby. Write down the KIND of mother you think that kid deserves. Now, do it.

 

i don't want drugs in my life and all he does is want to do them i have four months left tell the babys here im twentythree weeks right now

 

Ok, this is getting really SERIOUS. Get the hell out already. Right? Obvious. If you knowingly have a child in a home with drugs in it you could actually lose your baby if anybody there gets busted.

 

and i can't try to have someone that isn't going be there for me in my life

 

You are just too lazy to find another solution. Move on.

 

i try to tell him please try to quit he tells me he will then lies to me all the time

 

I can't figure out why you "love" this guy.

 

my family is getting tired of my being depressed and i have enough to try to do right now so im in a big stress ball right now and he lost his dad age eight

 

HOLY NON SEQUITUR. Are you making excuses for him? Honey, trust me, that is one job he can handle all on his own.

 

but i had both my parents all my life i don't throw that up in face but he does his father to me all the time i tell him ''don't throw him up in face, i didn't do it'' but he needs help his mother puts stuff like (keisha dosen't love you if you live with her your going to get hurt)

 

Oy vey, this is barely coherent. Breathe into a paper bag.

 

he isn't going to get hurt he tried to slam me in his car door today because i tried to talk him into coming inside my house

 

Ok, again, this is SERIOUS. If he's abusing pregnant you I can see your future mapped out for you, can't you? Child abuse. Here's a little thought for you, if you do NOTHING, you are just as guilty, because the warning signs could not be bigger.

 

i can't be this stressed out all the time i think he's retarded but i really don't know why i love him he dosen't know why he loves me.

 

You don't love him. You are in denial. Wake up and smell the coffee.

 

his whole famliey hates me he has a little sister thats only thirteen and thamos let her talk to him like he's a peice off crap he spit in her face an dthen told me i'l spit in your face too bitch

 

Incoherent, and very sad. Just leave.

 

i stand up to him and she dosen't she a little girl but i shouldn't have to do that he's suppose to love me! but he apparently dosen't.

 

You said it all. Now actually LISTEN to yourself and what your brain is telling you.

 

Look: You are about to give birth to a CHILD. Grow. The. Fuck. Up. NOW.

 

Get your shit together. Get the hell out of your boyfriend's house and figure out how to act like an adult, because you sure as hell aren't acting like one right now. Your child needs a parent, not a fucked-up self-pitying teenager who is so desperate for attention that she will stay in an abusive, drug-riddled environment.

 

And learn to use goddamned birth control!

 

--A.D.


Copyright© "Auntie Dote" & Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 2000
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