Despite our best efforts to dissuade you, many of you have still decided to write to us with your problems, complaints and crises of the moment. We don't have a trained therapist on staff, and this isn't "Dear F*ckin' Abbey", but we DO have Bonnie, who has graciously volunteered her time and heartless perspectives in order to minister to (or macerate) the misguided, with "Dear Fuckin' Bon..."

April 24, 2003

Dear Bon,

I am not a hugely intelligent person, nor am I qualified to criticize any of the points made on your website. Well…has that stopped anyone else from writing to you before? Apparently not. I have read pretty much everything there is to read on Heartless Bitches Inter. And I guess most of it is really well thought through; it tends to lean towards getting rid of the crap in this world and building up truths and practices of goodness (and so forth and so on and woop dee fricken doo). The point is that your site is good, not even close to what it should be, but it is really good considering the rest of the web. I suggest you modify your material so that it reaches a larger audience. No, I do not mean change or water down your message. I mean stop saying fuck every 2 seconds man. I have no problem with it, but a lot of people who could gain some insight close their ears and minds because of the crude manner in which you communicate your good ideas. I know you would probably say something like “We people here at HBI don’t care what the closed-minded people of this world think, they can go fuck themselves for all we care.” (I didn’t mean to sound so official, but you get the point) Well I think you do care, otherwise you would have never posted any of your ideas online. The point of sharing ideas, especially good ones, is to hopefully change people’s minds and improve the world. Well you can’t really do that when the only people you reach are the ones who already think the same way you do. If you think about it, which I’m sure you are quite capable of, assuming that those who criticize you or your site “just don’t get the point” is a bit closed-minded. Anyone who has an! ything critical to say about your views or even format gets killed with scathing comments about the size of their penis, or something about how THEY are the ones with all the problems. This suggests that members of HBI have nothing to own up to, no faults to get rid of, and no way of actually being kind human-like. I am not saying that your web-site preaches that HB's are perfect, I am just saying that it comes across that way, to a very large amount of people. I admit my faults; I know that I have faults in my conveying of thoughts because whenever I do people misunderstand. Maybe I am even creating a message here that you might misconstrue. Oh yes, I would like to say on a more positive note that I respect anyone who can state his or her beliefs with such conviction and support from hard facts. I would also like to say that I have learned a great deal from life; this website is a good! what-not-to-to guideline. I’m glad I found it.

Forever Pondering

Dear Forever,

What part of "We are not Dear Fuckin' Abby" are you having trouble with? We aren't here to save the world, or reach out to the downtrodden. Well, unless we can give them a boot in the ass to DO something about it, and we do that only when they chase us down to whine about how hard it all is and moan at us about why it's not their fault that they're perpetual victims. As for the bad bad words some of us use, even some members occasionally will try to chastise those of us who occasionally (or frequently) use profanity or an earthy or shock-value way of getting the message across. They miss the point when they whine that we should be "nice" to each other, and you miss the point when you say that the point of "sharing ideas" is to "hopefully change people's minds and improve the world". Every member (and reader) gets to stand on his or her very own two feet and be exactly who they are. That's how they got here (hopefully, and if not, I bet they aren't around long). People who read the site and realize that they relate to that responsibility and independence speak their individual minds. Different members (or non-members) rants and viewpoints even contradict one another, because it's about being who you are and not backing down just to "be nice" or to conform or to seem more attractive to someone ELSE. (Though, if you note, we are very strong on both responsibility for oneself and compromise in terms of relationships). You make the mistake that we are trying to sell ourselves or our concept as well as having the absurd idea we would consider changing so that "more people would like us". You further make a mistake saying that we care *because* we speak (write) our minds on the web. Look at and contrast the opposite of the individual opinions/rants/viewpoints published on this site by members and readers; those people who read the site and feel they must write to criticize, tell us how we're wrong (what, all of the thousands of HBs are ALL wrong? We have every opinion under the sun in our membership) or tell us that our fucking language is fucking offensive to "a very large amount of people", those are the people that don't really get it at all.

By the way, what's with the condescending comment of; "If you think about it, which I'm sure you are quite capable of..."? Your implication is that we can only think (or prove we do) if we see the "error" of our ways and agree with you? Manipulation, sweetie, and neither subtle nor remotely effective. Shove it up your ass.

I wonder if YOU get it, if you think we should gentle it down for the large amount of apparently hyper-sensitive people. Your logic gets pretty twisted in the comment that laughing at jerks who write in (penis size? People write to US about penis size, I cannot recall even one time I've seen it brought up by an HB when the person writing in didn't mention it. Just like you do here) suggests that we have nothing to "own up to" or no faults. That's just ridiculous. You haven't read many of the contributions if you haven't seen quite a few rants or rebuttals from MANY different HBs who talk about how they used to be doormats or passive or whatever, but who finally put on their ass-kicking boots and marched right over controlling people and influences and took control of themselves and their own lives.

Since you are one person, I also question your certainty that a "very large amount of people" will interpret that we're saying HBs are perfect and flawless. I think those who read for content are going to get the point, later if not sooner. You say you like the site and much on it but your underlying hostility suggests that some of the points have hit close to home. That would have happened no matter how sweetly we chose to say what we do, so I recommend that you start your clean-up campaign a little closer to home.

bon