Despite our best efforts to dissuade you, many of you have still decided to write to us with your problems, complaints and crises of the moment. We don't have a trained therapist on staff, and this isn't "Dear F*ckin' Abbey", but we DO have Bonnie, who has graciously volunteered her time and heartless perspectives in order to minister to (or macerate) the misguided, with "Dear Fuckin' Bon..."

July 15, 2001

Dear Fuckin' Jade, (Guest Entry)

Sometimes I share submissions with other bitches to check information or for other reasons. Sometimes I share things just so we can snicker or chortle at submissions, too. I asked Jadesyren if she'd seen this winning contributor before, and she snorted contemptuously and shot off the following.

Far be it from me to mess with perfection...
bon

From: Madamone of a thousand@aol.com
Subject: Dear-oh-dear-oh dear! What have we hear then?

Well girlies! aren't we grown up.

Well, some of us are.

Know how to build a web site do we?

Well, WE do. YOU are struggling through gender identity and complete sentences.

Think were big and clever mouthing of at young stallions like myself.

If the shoe fits, learn to tie them for yourself.

You know what, I can't wait to get to good old america, not just because I'm chasing the Buck - big style, but also because I can show you women what a real gent is all about.

The American dream is still alive.

You see i'm from England. Yeah England! I'm smooth, cool, sofistigated, articulit and I'm ahead of the game in fashion - I mean, have you ever heard of flares or drainpipes, that's what I mean. see!

England has long been the birthplace of fashion and dentistry.

Listen ladies, as a gent in-touch with his karma, I'm happy to help you with your problems. so, if you so called strong ladies want to expose your real selves then i'm here to listen.

You had your chance. You just decided to put your own spin on it.

Go on.... take off you oven gloves, undo your apron and tell me all about it.

What are you talking about? American women don't cook.

Thanks and I hope to hear from you all real soon.

I'll just BET you do.

Sammy smoooth

Smooth like chunky peanut butter.