Ivana
Today is a special day, because today I found out that I am a Heartless Bitch.
Sounds terrible, doesn't it? And to think that all these years I was leading a lie; I had actually convinced myself that taking responsibility for my life was a decent thing.
Somewhere along the way I also developed an aversion for the cheap, hallmark sentiments of the world. Oh! How I loathe them. Emotional warts at the best. Oh, you don't know what I'm talking about? Then take a look see into any office space inhabited by women. Wherever you see the sort of faint, degenerated printed matter that appears to have been faxed and photocopied ad infinitum, there you will find it. You'll also find that other creature, the emotionally depraved woman. She prostitutes her sentiments at the slightest inkling of friendship and as a part of the office's time immemorial initiation ceremony, will expect you to do the same in turn. Oh, you don't happen to have a secret, do you? Because if you do, she will expect to know it by the end of the week. Unhappy childhood, illness, tragedy of any description will do. Beware when she starts to spill the beans a la Oprah. You'll be expected to cough up too. And don't forget to end every such conversation with a fuzzy sounding...'ooooh' and a spanner hug. For added effect you might also try to impress this creature by rocking gently as you hold her and saying something like...'I know, I know' softly and incessantly.
Am I done explaining myself? Is there enough space for those other sad beasts on the male end of the spectrum? I've lost count of the number of bouquets that have ended up on the compost heap. What can I say for the sake of brevity except; Run in the opposite direction whenever you hear a male say- 'you're the only one who understands me' or 'you make me better'. Variants on the two are manifold, but should be responded to with the same cautiousness. Even after marriage, such desperate individuals will search your fingers with complete nonchalance for rings. Be sure to wear either one on each finger, or none at all.
Yes! I want to read more from Real Life Heartless Bitches
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