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But I'M NOT BITTER...
The Goddess of battle, strife, and destruction explains it all for you
by

October 12, 2004

 

I think part of my depression is due to the fact that there will be no NHL season this year, due to a playersí strike.Apparently earning millions of dollars to chase a puck around the ice and pummel each other senseless is far from adequate and the players have simply taken their sticks and gone home.

 

Unless youíre Canadian, you will be unable to appreciate the anguish that has shrouded the nation.The CBC has tried to fill the gap by presenting us with "Movie Night in Canada", a meagre and unsatisfactory solution that has placated no one.

 

The absence of a hockey season is a disaster no American can truly understand.Perhaps I could liken it to Bush not having anyone to bomb this week - truly a cause for impotent frustration.You can see the distress on the faces of people in the street and those who would not normally greet their fellow travelers are prodded to express their dismay to complete strangers.I was sitting on the subway next to some guy who was reading the sports section with an aspect of obvious grief."Those greedy fuckers", he muttered inoutrage.He crumpled in paper in anxiety and turned to me.

 

"I canít believe that weíre all being deprived of the only thing I look forward to all winter because some dumb ass 19 year olds think that $5 million a year isnít enough to skate around a rink for a few months every year."

 

"Well, yeah, I agree - but in a way the strike is a good thing", I replied.

 

He looked at me with horror."What are you - some sort of hockey widow?!"

 

"No", I replied quietly."Iím a Leafs fan."

 

His expression sobered as he considered it."Good point", he said, before returning to his paper.

 

Mike Myers once said that Canadians do two things really well - hockey and comedy.Both, I believe, are a direct function of geography.With frigid temperatures and icy conditions the norm up here from November to March, we had to find a way to amuse ourselves and I donít think anyone will take issue with the fact that we are the worldís best hockey players.

 

As far as comedy is concerned, our place on the map is again responsible for our talent.I mean, jeez, look who our neighbours are.The antics of the Yanks are a constant source of hilarity to us up here in the Great White North.

 

The American election, while it doesnít disappoint as a prime example of absurdity, also scares the bejesus out of us.I mean really, what the fuck is wrong with you people?Are Jerry Springer contestants truly representative of the average voting American?Say it ainít so - youíre smarter than that.I know you are.

 

The entire world knows that Bush is a moronand a dangerous war criminal.It seems fairly plain to the rest of us that if you take an entire country to war based on fabricated evidence, are directly responsible for the decimation of innocent civilian communities, level an entire country without any justification whatsoever, put your citizens at risk as a direct result of your actions and make it a policy to fuck your own soldiers up the ass, you deserve to lose your job.I mean, itís not like he miscalculated and failed to make his quarterly sales targets - hundreds of soldiers have been killed, families (both Iraqi and American) have been devastated and generations to come will be picking up the tab. You think Dubya will be around to deal with the consequences of his actions once all this trickles down?Think again - unless of course we are talking about who is going to profit from the reconstruction of Iraq.

 

Beginning with his flouting of the U.N, Bush has systematically destroyed any credibility the Americans may have once enjoyed on the world stage and has solidified their reputation as the bullies in the schoolyard.Especially since this particular conflict looks as if it will surpass Vietnam as a debacle of monstrous proportions.

 

Instead of quelling terrorism, Bushís actions have turned fence sitters and moderates into die- hards -- Al Queda couldnít buy publicity like this.Even those in the Islamic world who may have been inclined consider the matter soberly have been swayed by the ongoing obscenity that is the American war effort in Iraq. Now everybody has copped on to the fact that the current administrationís foreign policy is imperialistic, self-serving and apparently completely out of control and the only ones who can save us are the American voters who actually get up off their asses and cast their ballots.

 

Now donít get me wrong - I have nothing against any of you individually.I think youíre all just as cute a buttons.Itís that lunatic who bought his way into the White House last time around thatís making you all look bad.You have to admit that if heís the best you can do, weíre all fucked.

 

Have you ever listened to Bush speak?While invaluable for the yuks it provides, it also scares the hell out of me because of the support he has.The fact that a corrupt and clueless frat boy without a functioning brain cell is at the helm of the free world is a frightening enough concept but the realization that he is being propped up by corrupt corporations and big money interests is truly chilling.

 

And you guys shot Kennedy, for Godís sake.The mind boggles.

 

And what the fuck is up with that WMD debacle?Bush insisted that Iraq was in possession of them and even in the face of last weekís confession that their weapons program was virtually useless as against the might of the American military machine, Bush continued to maintain that the war was justified.Please, please, please tell me he isnít fooling any of you down there.For your own sake, if not for the sake of the rest of the world.Bush used lies to justify flouting the U.N. and his pique resulted in his administration perpetrating a war that has inexorably turned into a quagmire of waste and incalculable human misery.Can you honestly see it spontaneously getting better?If you stop to think about it, where do you imagine it will all end?

 

And donít even get me started on his record on womenís rights. Not to mention that proposed constitutional amendment banning gay marriage.

 

WAKE UP.

 

The man is dumber than a box of hair. Any sentient being with a lick of sense would see that he isnít fit to be elected dog-catcher in Ulan Bator and while I enjoy a good laugh as much as the next gal, keeping the guy around just to boost the ratings on The Daily Show seems a bit extreme.

 

Iíve heard the pundits say that if every American woman made the effort to vote this November, they could decide the election.You have a voice, it wonít cost you a thing and generations to come will laud you as the most sensible and humane constituency of the early 21st century.Ask yourself whose agenda Bush is serving.Ask yourself if you want to be part of that.Then - please - vote for Kerry.

 

The rest of us are only able to watch but countless millions of you can actually decide what sort of country you want to be.I think you deserve much better than Bush.

 

I think we all do.

 

Till next time.

 

Morrigan



Copyright© the Morrigan & Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 2003
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