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Not so long ago, our own TNQ (The No Queen), posted a rant about OnWhine Journals. TNQ shared this hilarious missive from someone who can't see that she just blew her own foot off with a shotgun. (And yes, we DO laugh about the fuckwits amongst ourselves.) The lovely couldn't resist annotating the self-inflicted maiming and providing us with her wickedly trenchant insights into the mind of a defensive blogger.

As always, editorial comments are in bold



From: Donnla Nic Gearailt <donnlan@cogsci.ed.ac.uk>
Date: Sun, 28 Jul 2002 23:29:42 +0100
To: thenoqueen@heartless-bitches.com
Subject: re journal rant....

Darling, if you don't like what people put in their on-line journals, just deal with it. If you don't like it, then don't read. Who cares what you think?
I find your rant whiny in the extreme - Wah! I don't like the fact that the content of someone else's personal website isn't to my liking! How terrible for you!

I prefer to think of it as, terrible for them. Terrible to be them, really.

I have a journal online, something for which I pay approx 5 dollars a month.

Hey, big spender! I guess we know exactly what it's worth to you...you might consider spending it on recreational drugs, or cheap prostitutes.

If I feel like being negative and bitching about my problems on there, I go ahead and do it. Anyone who doesn't like that, has my permission to go take a long walk off a short pier.

But some of us can swim, dahling. We might actually already be the ones swimming around in the waters off your short pier, dimwit...uh, watch the teeth.

I feel absolutely no need to portray myself as a balanced, sane, normal or otherwise worthy human being in my journal -

OR IN REAL LIFE! Because what's the difference, really?

that's what real-life is for.

Uh huh. She thinks she is fooling "them." But "they" are onto her. "They" already know she isn't balanced, sane or normal, no matter she portrays herself. And yes, "they" ARE out to get you. (Probably a paranoid, don't you think? As in, "You probably think this song is about you, don't you...")

Since when do I have some sort of obligation to make my writings entertaining for the general public anyway?

I dunno, fantasies of relevance, perhaps?

If I was that talented, I'd be writing about my life in a newspaper, not some on-line journal.

Believe me, you wouldn't be writing about your life, you'd be writing about something that people would actually WANT to read about.

It's not like I'm shoving each day's installment through your letterbox and demanding that you pay attention.

Oh, noooo, just posting it in all privacy--on the INTERNET! It's not like you are hungry, starving, desperate for strangers' attention, is it?

I occasionally get notes on my journal from folks who seem to think I should be running an Up With People convention in my pages.

Some of that aforementioned "attention"...hey, at least someone's reading.

Well, I have a strong dislike for annoying, positive, happy-face-facism

happy-face-facism? Did she mean fascism? That, at least, I could understand, but either way you shouldn't hyphenate the substantive.

Maybe it's a face-off, like at a hockey game. She confounds.

afflicted idiots who read Pollyanna one too many times when they were a kid.

Wow, or who pack too many received cliches into a sentence? Those are the happy-face-fuck-ups that get my goat.

Life can really suck,

Aw, poor baby! You are the first one to discover this dark and profound truth. Now, get over it!

(Hey, here's an idea: if you didn't have an online journal, you'd have $60 more a year, and then life would suck less, wouldn't it? Not to mention the extra time you'd have...but wait, you didn't really want a solution to your suckage, did you?)

and I have little time

THAT's what I'm tellin' ya! You could start a small business in "real life" with the time saved.

for those who persist in the illusion that "every cloud has a silver lining" or that "all things happen for the best".

Life is so black and white, isn't it? So what kind of phony optimism did you think we at Heartless Bitches were dishing out? Not a careful reader, is she?

The truth is, life sucks most of the time,

You wouldn't know, wallowing isn't "life." I'll bet her "problems" are just an excuse for attention anyway, and not even anything to write home (or the whole online world) about.

and no-one else cares enough to help you out with your problems.

Like she wants out.

I spend my time in real life getting myself out of whatever mess I'm in at a given moment,

I guess an ounce of prevention ain't her bag.

and reserve my bitching and more vulnerable and fed-up moments for my nice little private fantasy world

altogether now: IF ONLY!!!!! (that's online journal punctuation, kids)

in my on-line journal.

It's called, "surfing for sympathy," and about as appealing as online jock-itch.

I'm sure it's deadly boring for those who drop by,

They must be even bigger losers than you to hang around then, but hey, beggars can't be choosers.

but the point of a journal is not really to have other people read it anyway,

Book. Paper. Pen. Try it. Then, we'll entertain this insane rant of yours.

it's to keep me SANE

Well I've got news for ya: IT AIN'T WORKIN'!

and prevent me ripping the heads off certain people around me

Sure. Like you could rip heads and not have your "real life" ass handed to you on a plate.

as right now might not be the best time to ritually disembowel some of my less pleasant acquaintances.

They're YOU'RE acquaintances. We can only extrapolate on the connection to you.

If I want to bitch, complain, whine, moan, grouch or be just plain ANNOYING in my journal I will go ahead and do so.

Do you walk around the house naked? With the curtains open?

Oh, and I do enjoy toasting those who leave such notes.

Oh yes, queen of her five dollar kingdom! You go, girl. Try making it in "real life" according to those rules.

They are particularly tasty flame-grilled with a drizzling of olive oil and sesame seeds. mmm.

That's the lamest grill metaphor I've ever seen. Lightly mediterranean? Oooh, I'm scared. She's making Caesar salads. What's next, croutons?

I guess you'll be saying, "So why doesn't she take her own advice and quit whining about the contents of the HBI site when she doesn't have to read it?"

We know why--because this is more of the same pathetic attention-getting behavior that drives you to drizzle your nouveau bull all over the internet.

Well, because I can see where you are coming from,

You wouldn't see this curve ball until it hit you in the face, trust me.

but remember, an on-line journal is NOT a syndicated newspaper column.

Then...why put it online? Since a journal is supposed to be "private"? That never did get explained, did it?

You seem to forget that.

Exhibitionist. And probably a damn bad one, too.

Donnla.

I guess life sucks in Scotland. Maybe what she needs is a travel agent.

Good luck, TNQ--you've landed a 10-pounder. Or maybe she's a quarter pounder, drizzled with special sauce, in a pickle on a sesame seed bun.

Thanks for sharing! --Fab


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Copying or reproduction (in whole or in part) on any medium (such as in print or on the web) is expressly forbidden without written permission from HBI

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