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What's Wrong with Nice Guys?

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Facts to Bitch About...
by (a.k.a. P.Dantik)

Dear Heartless Bitch,

Well ok, since you've dangled that bait, I'll bite. I'd really like to know why 'bitch' is the ultimate insult from one woman to another and by some strange twist of logic a badge of honour. Is there something wrong with the female version of man's best friend? To a man, a dog is a dog regardless of gender. We feed them, play with them, take them for walks, and allow them to be involved in the choice of future partners; You know, your dog sniffs my dog's butt, we smile, nature takes it's course, little kid asks mummy what those dogs are doing, and we throw a bucket of cold water over the budding relationship. Next thing I know you slap me with a maintenance and support claim and I'm looking for new homes for all those cute puppies. But more of that later. What I really want to do first is point out a few facts.

Fact: men and women were not created equal
Fact: women are horny
Fact: women are in charge

Let's examine each fact with some supporting evidence. First and foremost equality. If men and women were equals then men would have been given a brain that functions at the same time as our dick. Instead we are lumbered with a system that can only supply blood and therefore oxygen to one or the other. Never the two at the same time. Do I need to quote examples here? Ok just the one for old times sake: Bill Clinton. He's a guy in charge of the trigger, and at the same time has no idea what to do with a cigar. Well duh!

Women are by nature horny. They are horny before their period, they are horny during their period and they are horny after their period. PMS is actually the time when it dawns on them that they went to the trouble of producing an egg, they failed to fertilise it and now they have to go and make another frigging egg. Life would have been so much simpler if they made the egg, fertilised it when ever they had time and didn't produce another egg until they felt like it. All this business of making the egg, getting rid of the egg and making another egg just because the moon is full again is just so tiresome.

So, when women are horny, they have sex. Women pick who they have sex with. That's if they feel like using a man at the time. They are perfectly well equipped to enjoy sex by themselves or with each other. The only reason men enter the equation is procreation. If women could figure out a way to perpetuate their species (women) without the interference of men, it is perfectly obvious that men would be obsolete.

Did someone say "cloning"? Is there any significance attached to the fact that the first sheep to be cloned was called 'Dolly'? Why not Bruce I hear you ask. Well what's the point of producing a ram? What you need are more ewes to produce more ewes. If you don't need a ram to produce a ewe, why clone a ram in the first place? For the extra dangly bit? Nobody eats that anyway. Well nobody except for some folk in the mountains that call them prairie oysters. But them is strange folk.

Let's face it, a man pretty much functions as a rather complicated recharging battery for a personal self-gratification device (vibrator). The only reason god invented man was because she hadn't had time to figure out compact rechargeable batteries by the time she created Eve. All this nonsense about Adam being first, is just a bit of propaganda perpetuated by women to keep men in the dark.

It's also quite obvious that women do the choosing. Sometimes women are really bad at picking a good vibrator model. Sometimes they pick one because it looks good, but it is ultimately ill equipped to handle the load. Then they have to go through a recall and re-issue process called divorce and re-marriage. Unfortunately some women just won't learn their lesson and keep buying second hand 'pre-loved' models thinking that they are better operators than the original owner. These women are quite delusional. They go on proclaiming to the world that they are Heartless Bitches discarding men like old shoes. The truth is, they are just lousy shoppers.

Women are in charge. They get to pick who they are having sex with, when, and how. Men are just going along for the ride, grateful that they do have a ride. Men don't pick up women at bars. Women pick up men in bars. Men with smooth pick up lines just think they are good at it because women let them. That's because women are actually selectively deaf when it comes to listening to men. When was the last time a man said something of interest to a woman? Actually, counting most major forms of verbal or written communication over the past five million years, approximately never. Anything men say is for other men. That's why a guttural grunt invented sometime soon after the dinosaurs became extinct, still conveys a lot of meaning between two men. Men are really bad communicators. Women tend to communicate with each other on a whole different level. Just think, if it wasn't for women, men would still go around grunting, farting and scratching themselves when attempting to communicate. On second thoughts nothing much has changed in the last 50-odd millennia.

Women get to have the offspring and then stay home to educate their young in the ways of the world. They make sure the boys learn that they should go out and provide shelter, sustenance and comfortable shoes for their future owner (wife). They are taught that they should compete with other males for resources, more expensive caves, and bigger bathrooms. They teach the girls that it is their position in life to lord it over the men and to make sure that they keep them in the style that their birthright has accustomed them to.

What I find intriguing is that some women actually want to be recognised as Heartless Bitches by their peer group. The trouble is that a Heartless Bitch by definition does not seek recognition. She is quite content within herself in the knowledge that she is a Heartless Bitch. She does not seek nor require validation from anyone.

So women are not perfect, and neither is god. If she were, she would not have created Eve and then attached Eve's means of procreation to a man. But then again this could be the proof that god is the perfect Heartless Bitch. A paradox way beyond this mere male's comprehension.

So in conclusion let me say this; The jig is up! I know what your game is and I'm not playing any more! Men of the world unite! It's time we had real equality with women! We should be allowed to choose our own sex partners, and means of procreation. We should no longer be governed by arbitrary gender specific role models. We should have the right to bear children and nurture them in our own image. We should be allowed to stay home and mind the kids. We should be given equal access and floor-space in shoe stores. We want more personal fragrance counters. We want equal floor-space for men's underwear. We want comfortable shoes. And we want them now!

PS. I really like the web site, especially the background colour. Period Red. Right?

Cheers, P. Dantik

Copyright© Alex, first publication rights: Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1998
Copying or reproduction (in whole or in part) on any medium (such as in print or on the web) is expressly forbidden without written permission from HBI

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