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Designer Vaginas

by S. Moroz

 

I am announcing my intention, yet again, to secede from my gender. The last time my feminist separatist was stirred into action was when FOX aired, "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire". At that point, I thought women could sink no lower. Now, Darva Conger's willingness to be pimped out for ratings seems tame in comparison to all the plastic surgery reality shows in which women have shamelessly debased themselves. You have to wonder if Barbie inventor Ruth Handler, could have truly foreseen the havoc her monster voodoo doll would wreak on the collective insecurities of women.

 

"The Swan" just about had me at my breaking point earlier this year. Could we be any closer to the "The Stepford Wives"? Is the next show going to be about submitting to a full frontal lobotomy in exchange for breast implants??? Scratch that. I take that back. The FOX network can be very suggestible.

 

What has inspired me to rant this time? A recent article in Canadaís Globe and Mail stated that hottest plastic surgery craze is designer vaginas. For a mere $1800 you can have collagen injected into your "lips", plumping them up to porn star perfection that lasts for four months. For more money you can have your nether regions surgically sculpted to emulate those of the models in the porn magazines the doctors graciously supply in their waiting rooms.

 

Iíve noticed that the recipients of surgeries such as breast implants canít wait to buy clothing that shows off their purchase but how could you even brag about having your vagina done? Who would notice? Does the surgery include a free T-shirt stating "Vagina by Lakeside Plastic Surgery"?

 

So often plastic surgery junkies have answered their critics by saying they are doing it for themselves. It is about self-esteem, not about what men want. Now that women are seeking surgery on an area even they canít see, this argument seems even more implausible. It is bad enough that women (and young girls) stand in front of mirrors daily to compare themselves to an ideal that represents less than 1% of the female population. Now they have to lock themselves in a bathroom with a hand mirror and a copy of Hustler to see if they measure up.

 

Iím sure the men who read this will say that men suffer at the hands of the media too, but for the most part you are treated kindly. You are portrayed as lovable oafs who canít manage to cook a meal, diaper a baby or do the laundry without having a disaster. Your humiliation is exacerbated by the knowing looks of the wise and sage "wife" who must rescue you. While I agree this portrayal is stereotypical and very unfair, it is not so soul destroying that it is causing you to run to the plastic surgeon to have a "little lopped of the bottom".

 

So what do you say? Do you want to join my new gender? Weíre still women but with our judgement, and vaginas intact.

 

Yours in solidarity,

 

S. Moroz

 



Copyright© Susan Moroz, Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 2005
Copying or reproduction (in whole or in part) on any medium (such as in print or on the web) is expressly forbidden without written permission from HBI

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